maylands - the electric scandal
one day in maylands, i noticed a persistent whistling noise. a whistle that had no start and end and felt like a laser pointer shining into the eye of my brain.
i tried to locate the sound, climbing on the roof, listening to the pipes. i knocked on neighbours doors, who were never ever home. i called my landlord, the council, the neighbourhood watch, even the police. they all said theyd get back to me. i wrote notes on peoples doors and cars, but never heard back. the noise went on all day and all night for days and days. i couldnt sleep. when i wore earpplugs, i just heard the absence of noise.
then one day, i realised that the whistling noise was coming from airconditioner of my neighbour, brittany, who lived right above my house. i contacted my landlord who had their number and i sent them a text explaining the noise problem.
"how did you get this number?" she said. "how dare you message me on my personal number".
once again, i told her i was her neighbour and was losing sleep. was there any way she could adjust her airconditioner.
"im on fifo and can't fix it. do not message me again."
well i went to the meter box to see if i could turn off the power to her unit. i flicked about with switches but the whistling didnt cease. then i realised that a bunch of switches had been encased behind a plastic barrier. i couldn't quite see screws and thought about bustingg it open with a hammer or brick. then i saw that there was a hole to the side of the plastic cover that could fit a very small screwdriver. I imagined that it was like a sim-card hole. you'd stick in the driver and the case would pop open. i went back inside, got my finest screwdriver, stuck it in the hole and ZAP.
the shock sent me backwards, landing on my ass, my head hitting the brick wall behind me. hmm.
i went inside and googled "should my meter box zap me". the answer was, no it shouldnt. it said that i should call the power company immediately. i phoned western power and they immediately came in a massive orange truck. four guys in rubber suits and helmets came out and closed off the area. they examined the meter box and one tried to interview me about what happened. i told him about the mysterious whistling sound.
"that little hole you stuck a screwdriver into should not have been left uncovered. that zap you got was 50 volts and could have killed you. this is a high level incident and requires us to cut power to the area until a team can come in to replace the whole meter box. unfortunately its friday afternoon, so no one will be available until monday. do you have much in the freezer?"
they cut the power to the whole complex, taped up the meter box, and left. to my delight, the whistling sound had ceased. i had nothing in the freezer and nothing in the fridge, so it didn't worry me. still, i went down to my parents to watch tv under the aircon. i didn't feel bad for all my neighbours because they should have cooperated with me. and as for brittany, i hope all her food is fucked now.
i came back on monday afternoon and the power was still off. my neighbours were all chatting outside looking anxious. "power still off?" i asked. "yeah. we don't know why." i knew, but didnt tell them.
at 4.30 the western power team came again in the same truck. they opened the box, tinkered around, put a new rubber cap over the exposed socket and then switched the power back on. the whistling sound returned.
i spent a few hours listening to the whistling. i went to text brittany again, saw her texts and then said, nah, fuck her. i climbed onto the roof with a spanner and brick. if i could not open a window to turn off her aircon i would pry it open. failing that, i would smash it with a brick. i jimmied her windows, and then climbed onto her balcony. i decided to check the glass door before i bashed it in, and amazingly, it opened. a huge gust of freezing air rushed out and gone was the whistling sound. i was overjoyed.
what i learnt from this is that if you are crazy and no one is helping you, then you have not gone crazy enough.