maylands - the peninsula tavern
this ham and eggs establishment has maintained the same threatening aura for over 50 years. its interior decor has stayed the same since the 80s and it is filled with classic blokes. if you go there with your friends, you are sure to have some memorable encounters.
one time a petite fifo worker with blonde dreadlocks and a neck tattoo was shirt fronting my friend tim, asking him to tell a joke.
tim recalled a joke he heard in an errol morris documentary.
"two sailors were looking looking at the ocean and one says 'thats a lot of water out there', and the other guy says 'yeah and thats just the top of it'."
the dreadlocks man didnt laugh and didnt even smile. he then told tim a joke about ethiopians that was very shocking and rude.
i missed this joke because i was talking to a 90 year old man who was showing me all the tattoos he had got done on his back. he had to take off his full singlet to show me. i was hoping it would be a picture of god like in that flannery oconnor story but it was just a big angel and some playing cards. he said he had done it himself in the mirror, back when he was more hypermobile before all the arthritus.
"arthur, hes the worst of them ritus boys int he?" said the guy with shark eyes next to him.
if you are a young woman at the peninsula tavern, it doesnt take long for a weird bloke to make a weird comment.
"you cant do this to me!" said the shark eye man toour friend laura. "you cant do this to me!" he said again.
"do what?"
"snare me with those big beautiful blue eyes!".
okay, we all said. we better get out of here.
the peninsula tavern for a while sold red caps which read "make the penn great again". i lost mine sadly.