maylands - xxx library
the unit complex next to suck city has one of those neighbourhood library boxes and its filled with erotica. theres all ghe 50 shades books, a dozen mills and boom and another one about a workplace romance called "owned by the boss".
i wanted to read 50 shades because ive heard its quite good but the sign on the box didnt say free, it said take one leave one. the problem is, i dont read very much erotica i certainly dont carry it around with me, so id have to leave the library enpry handed but then when i was walking back past georges superdeli, i had what jimmy neutron style brain blast. the magazine section! i walked to the dusty aisle at the back of the deli and sure, in the highest rack was a sealed copy of penthouse magazine, a few years old, but itd do.
15 bucks though? well i guess i'd be swapping it for a book probably worth twice as much, and it is a book everyone says is pretty good, and if i read the penthouse first, id be getting two books for the price of one.
so i went out to the swamp at the back of noggos and opened up the celephane and opened up the magazine and had a good read of yhe contents page, or rather, it showed the faces of the women in the issue, none i could particularly give my heart to but i turned to the page of the one that looked the nicest and yah!! this woman wasnt wearing nothing but some undies and a brassiere and if i squinted my eyes, i swear i could make out the detail of what was behind the brassiere but i wasnt sure if it was just the brassieres ornate pattern, and then once i had that image fully memorised, i turned the page and yah! ben you idiot, whyd you waste so much time looking at that brassiere when you couldve turned the page and seen it all! breast, cleavage, nipple, aereola, the whole package! it was somehow less interesting to see everything all there with no brassiere, and then i turned the page and, wait that was it? but then i turned the page and this time there was another woman and another man and in a candlelit bubble bath, and although the clods of bubbles were preventing me for seeing what was going on under water, it wouldnt take einstein the genius to work out that this man and this woman were quote unquote "getting fresh". ok, i thought, and turned the page and was immediately greeted with an image that made me go "yow!!!!!"
what happened to the bubble bath? what happened to the natural censors! i can see the womans left breast and the dudes whole ass and one of his balls! i didnt pay for this! i ripped out the page and screwed it up and threw it in the swamp but it didnt sink. it just floated atop the duckweed, not even touching the water, and while i tried to find a stick long enough to smack it down under the water, a big gust of wind blew it across the duckweed and up out the swamp and then under the fence of one of the tranby houses. at that point it was out of my hands. god obviously wanted the free distribution of pornography.
i took the magazine to the neighbourhood library and got my 50 shades book and swapped it for the penthouse. a good trade i thought. at least this book would have no yucky pictures.